The Equality Among Inequalities

Oh great! The last time I posted, I had a flu. Now, I think I'm developing one again. ftw!

Last Sunday, I was walking down beside a busy road along our busy city. While walking, of course I saw different people. Different people of different personality. Some auras are weak while some are lucky. And I began to ask myself.

Some people are eating at famous fastfood chains, others in some eatery, others in a 24-hour store, others just buy some biscuits and soda from a store, while others don't eat at all. Some people walk with me, some drives their vehicles or at least ride some, some kicks the pedals of their bicycles, and others just wait in a corner with their wheelchairs on. As I continue walking, I keep asking myself.

 

I saw street vendors and met establishment owners. I saw someone who looks so rich while beside him is someone who almost doesn't have some clothes on because of his next-to-nothing worn-out shirt. There was a kid who eats a burger, while the other kid was just busy running in the streets with his mucous spilled in his face but doesn't care about it. Seeing these things, I asked myself again.

There was a group of guys and gals, wearing colourful shirts and caps making them easily recognized as the so called "Jejemons", and on the other side of the street are wise-looking group of friends wearing their school uniform. There was this lonely lady while I saw that blissful gentlemen. Wondering while wandering, I still ask myself of the question I still can't answer.

And the question? Is of course a statement that ends in question mark.

"Why are people have different lives? Why does destiny gave some people too much luck while others don't even know what is the meaning of bucks? Why does others can not even take a bath because they don't have even a house but others swim in a sea of money?"

I want to sit down at the side of the road at that moment. I want to look what happens to people's lives everyday, every minute. And see how does differences or inequality (as they call it) works.

Who's to blame for this?

I walked a little further, trying to create an answer to my question with what I can see. But a more difficult question attacks my mind.

"Who am I?"

I can say with what I saw, people really is unique against one another. But what makes someone unique from everyone? Is it how he feels? How he looks at life? What he has? How he thinks? How he breath? What?

Do I even have the right to think and say these things?

With the differences of the people in just a certain place, I can only say that this world really is complicated. Too complicated that no mind can be too confident to know everything, even at a certain place at a certain time.

"And I don't wanna hear no more."

--Guns N' Roses (Civil War)

--ag22z

Fire Level

Oh yes, you got it right. I'm hot. Too hot! Unfortunately, literally.

I've been too busy to post a new entry for the last month. Even if I wanted to do an entry as often as possible, my time just keeps on asphyxiating me  and let me do nothing except for academic stuffs. What a waste of time. Yeah I know, subjects is one of the most influential teachers on everyone's life. But I just want to point out that everybody needs to break a little from their "wakeup-takeabath-eat-gotowork-work-eat-work-gohome-doworkathome-eat-continuetowork-pray-sleep" system. (No insult intended. Others are missing 1 thing from the system, just figure it out by yourself.)

I just recreated my acoustic guitar (which I often referred to as "Pula" due to its color red, and also, the guitar that thought me how to do alternative rock licks). I mixed up my mettalic blue, black, and silver paints to do it. Although I still don't have the time to finish it, I already imagined how it looks like when it is done. And surprisingly, it sucks. Not just because I did it, but it has really a "dark aura". Well we'll never know until it's done. Maybe its a way for me to listen to other genres.

This Sunday is my 1st college entrance exam. I'm kinda excited, and somehow feel pressured. Not because of it, but because of our teacher's requirements. Everybody knows I hate doing projects, especially ones needing creativity. I don't have even a shadow of that word, and it makes me sick.

Does anyone wants to trade your lungs to mine? Or is there such thing as lung transplant? Please if there is, tell it to me. Just badly needing it. Thanks

And by the way, I'll just share this to you. At the moment, I really feel like playing a guitar. Writing lyrics also. I want to do these stuffs. But I guess I can't due to my f*****g  health condition. How I wish that this plague that ate me didn't like my flesh and just die. But it didn't.

Advertisement: Who wants to have a band? Or need a band member? I'm available and I also need one. I can play guitar (hard rock, not metal), bass, and a little drum. Just comment or contact me if interested.

Well thanks for reading this piece of nonsense. 'Till my next post.

"We found that part of us we lost along the way."

-- Sponge Cola (Keep the Fire Burning)

--ag22z

In Between Days

I won't be continuing my other blog post for awhile. I want to express myself this time. I mean, express my thoughts at the very moment.

It's already 1:55 AM in my laptop's clock. Somehow sleepy already.

Around 2 hours ago, I was trying to create new material for our band. I just made a 2 stanza stuff, but i don't if it is "luckily" or "unluckily", it some kind of not-a-great-one. So I stopped and let myself do something that I knew I'm gonna be productive.

While browsing my music player, I first saw Mayday Parade's "Kids In Love". I grabbed my guitar and played it. Still bored, I browsed my list again, and found an "unfinished" project. It was Katy Perry's "Thinking of You". Yeah right, I know it's some kind of a "whoa man, you're listening to that song?" thing, but let me clear myself out.

The song was pretty challenging for me. It was kinda a pop-rock or just a pop but we are a rock band, so I have to make it sound great to our band. It was a pressure being the one who manages the guitar that sings. And again, after trying many times, I tried again to create guitar licks and solos for it.

It was some kind of a blessing in disguise for me not being "too inspired" to write today. 'Cause I was clearly "more inspired" to create licks. As an avant-garde guitarist, I tried to formulate a lick that would fit to the "missing link" of the song. And fortunately, I finished it. I finished the lick already, and surprisingly, I also had some modifications for the verses and other parts of the song.

Even though I finished the lick, I wasn't successful still at create a great guitar solo. Making me stick to the first idea I had.

Meanwhile, I'm still hearing my sister and cousin talking from the next room.

The start of classes will be a day from now. No idea nor imagination to what will happen on that day. I really want to go to school already, considering different factors. These factors include daily allowance, reunion with classmates and jamming with my bandmates. But there's one thing that prevents me to loving the start of classes. It's the required short hair for all male students.

I haven't visited the barber shop for around 3 months, making my hair grow in between 1 to 2 inches long. And I like it. I don't want to have short hair again. It really looks bad, real bad. But it's an order to be follow though. So I guess, I have no choice. Damn!

Well, I bet this entry will end here.

"My girl was the envy of every friend of mine. She slept safely in my arms."

-- Mayday Parade (Kids In Love)

--ag22z

The Naturally Infamous Selection

Yeah, I know. I'm posting new entries every another day, but I also know that when school days hit my calendar, I won't maintain this momentum anymore.

"Ultraelectromagnetic Jam: The Music of The Eraserheads" (UEM Jam for short), this is the first album that I tried to listen to that made me aware of the band Eraserheads. It is a tribute album in relation to the band's break-up during their almost-a-decade fame in the Philippine music scene. 

With their biggest hit "Ang Huling El Bimbo", Eraserheads, also known as E-heads, became the most influential band even as of today. But as a band, they said that one of their influence were Nirvana. Nirvana was a 3-piece Grunge band with members Kurt Cobain (Guitarist, Vocalist), Krist Novoselic (Bassist, Backup vocalist) and Dave Grohl (Drummer) .

Anyway, since "UEM Jam" is the album that introduced me to Eraserheads, I was also introduced to the songs only available in that recording. I am a fan of Sponge Cola, that is why their rendition of "Pare Ko" was the first song that I try listening to. I played it in my computer set with medium-high volume. At first, I thought to myself "Ah, I already heard this track before". But unaware of the lyrics, I continue until the chorus, which called the attention of my sister and mother. The chorus is made up of local explicit words such as... just kiddin', I won't post it here.

Other hits also caught my ears, including 6 Cycle Mind's "Alapaap", Imago's "Spolarium", M.Y.M.P.'s "'Wag Mo Nang Itanong" and Cueshe's "Hard To Believe". "The songs are great, so the artist are! The songs are created incredibly in terms of technicalities and lyrics." was the things I said to myself. 

Together with Sponge Cola's "Palabas", I was indulged to the album for months. How was I addicted to it? Simply this way. After I got home, I'll start my computer and open the music player program. I will play either of the two. Sometimes, I'll only listen to one album per night, sometimes alternate, and sometimes even playing a single song or two from the albums. Why didn't I became bored to it? It is because I like what I'm hearing.

Of course everyone of us have a favorite amongst the favorite in a certain thing. Mine's in the "UEM Jam" is Sponge Cola's "Pare Ko" and "Neon" in Sponge Cola's "Palabas". These two songs became the prime hits played most often in my music player.

Later on, I was convinced by myself that I must hear the original versions in the "UEM Jam" to distinguish which covers are "hot" and which are "not".

It took me kinda long time (since I can't really remember how long) to have a copy of one of the most famous and influential albums in Philipine music industry. The Eraserheads' 3rd album, "Cutterpillow". Reaching 10x platinum status, "Cutterpillow" produced the band's some of the biggest hits in their career. This includes  the travel-inspired story "Overdrive", the substitute song "Superproxy", a song about a dying man "Poorman's Grave", a full acoustic mellow song "Fill Her" and the song that tattooed Eraserheads in the music scene "Ang Huling El Bimbo".

I was already sick of "UEM Jam" while finding a copy of "Cutterpillow", making me stick again to one song, "Neon".

to be continued...

"Though I can't see you, I can feel you."

--Eraserheads (Fill Her)

--ag22z

Shape Of The Faded Shadow

I used to be a "Cueshean", but things always differ, ayt?

After hearing Sponge Cola's Gemini, I was immediately interested with the band. I tried to hear some of their songs, but had no idea where and how to hear it. Until fate delivered it to me. (Thanks Fate!) A friend of mine lend me his album collection. The collection includes Parokya ni Edgar's  "Inuman Session Vol.1", Hale's debut album "Hale" and many more stuffs from different artist which I'm not aware of at that time. While checking out the albums, I noticed a CD that stand-out against the others, and it gave me an instant smile. It was "Palabas", Sponge Cola's debut album.

Excited with what I have in my hand, I grabbed my sister's CD Player and played the song while I was lying on our sofa set. But ironically, I fell asleep during that 1st round of album.

"'Cause I, I know I can never be enough to replace your whatever." This was the line that made me realize that my eyes are already looking in the light that shines so bright by that time. I try to take a glance to the player to know the track number. And it was 4. But I don't know what is the title since the album cover is somehow far away from me. And hell yeah, I'm too lazy to get it.

That song caught my attention in no time. It has a dramatic rhythm and emotional lyrics. The chorus sounds like a desperate broken guy that can only do nothing. The verse is very solemn. But when the bridge came, it became very intense with the heavily distorted guitars. After the track, I only said 1 thing: "Wow!". It was the song that moved me too much. But still, don't know it's title.

Other tracks also convinced me that the album is worth listening for. After I try to relax myself to the other stuffs that I have, the album collection was returned to my friend. A few days after, I wanted to hear "Track No. 4" again. So I turned on my computer. But I was enraged when I saw my music player. I forgot to copy the album to my computer! At first, I think of it as a hoax when I just can't find the copy of it. But days, days not hours, days after searching for the file in my whole computer over and over again, I surrendered. 

As months passed by, I somehow forgot things about "Track No. 4". But one faithful night, as I was walking in a street near a fastfood chain and a church, I saw a CD stand and I went to it. I was surprised with what I saw. It was Sponge Cola's "Palabas"! I immediately bought the album without bargaining it (Yeah, it's a fake one. I know, I know it is bad. But I still don't have a job. Isn't that a great excuse since original albums are expensive for a wallet of an elementary student?)

As we went home, I played it in our car.After 2-3 months, I heard "Track No. 4" again, and smiled. This time, I was holding the cover, so I got a chance to take a look at the title. And at last! I already know the title. "Track No.4" is called "Neon".

In connection of me learning to listen in this newly-heard band, I tried to listen to other albums and artist. As I was doing research and hearing different songs from different artist that belongs to different generations of different genres, I realized what I like. It was the Alternative Rock dimension of the Pilipino music scene also known as "OPM Alternative Rock".

I started listening to different bands such as Parokya ni Edgar, Kamikazee, Pupil, Sandwich, Moonstar88, Mojofly, Stonefree, Sugarfree, Soapdish, Mayonnaise, Imago and others that I'm sure I forgot. I was enjoying these bands while hearing a band name that I am not aware of. They even don't have a chart-topping song at that time, but everyone that talks about OPM does not forget to mention the band name. Until one day, a friend asked me "Meron ka na bang Ultraelectromagnetic Jam?", I answered "Ano po iyon?"

"Ultraelectromagnetic Jam.". And that was the first time that I had a clear knowledge about the band that they are talking about, The Eraserheads.

to be continued...

"Now everything is silent, and everything is still without you near."

--Sponge Cola (Neon)

--ag22z

Memoirs and Indefinites

It was almost a year since I last visited this page. I even never thought of visiting this site again. But, I guess I'm already here by now.

The past year is great for me.I was stuck at Sinner's Lounge for a couple of months, and my musically-inspired days began after that. My regular daily practice routine came back into me. I was doing it before, but accidentally stopped it due to personal reasons, making my musical skills to somehow fade.

I started listening to music when I was around 6 years old. At that time, Pop icons are dominating the music era. And of course, every icon has their own signature song. Signature songs in that time include Britney Spear's "Oops! I did it again", Christina Aguilera's "Genie in a bottle", Westlife's "Fool again", Backstreet Boys' "Larger than life". And I'll also admit, I liked it.

They had their own commercial success by that time, until they slowly slowed down their pace. And thus, dominated by another music genre called "Hip-Hop/Dance"

Yeah, my knowledge in the edge of Hip-hop/dance is very limited, making me unable to discuss something about such stuffs.

By the year 2005, I was again interested in the music scene. It was Original Pilipino Music (OPM) that whispered in my ear. OPM Alternative Rock Bands came out from nowhere, or should I say, their time for fame is at the very moment?

At that era, there was this undisputed contrast between 2 bands namely Cueshe and Hale. I was listening more in the side of Cueshe since their debut single "Stay" won the race to my auditory nerve against Hale's "The day you said goodnight". Hence, making them my instant favoured band.

This scene became my heaviest influence. The artists made me realize that I want to have a musically-inspired, musically-inclined and musically-oriented life. My soul knocked my mind, telling him that he wants to have a band, desperately.

When I watch bands perform, I was so jealous to even just their so-called "rockstar aura". I try to look like it. Wearing lousy shirts, loosely fit jeans, rubber shoes and even a dog chain connected from my wallet to my belt buckle. But there is still 1 thing that I can't do even if I want to, to have a long hair. Oh crap...


After sometime, I noticed that I was too "locked up" in Cueshe's works. With that, I was starting to get bored in their music. My blood get pumped back again when I saw this music video. A very dark-themed video that included hundreds of chairs and an extremely large curtains. There is a story about the music, but the video stands on its own, and it is based on a very popular novel. The band is composed of 4 members and the video contained creepy-like stuffs (including a sudden show up of a lady in white). The melody was very humble but was heavily distorted  by the middle of the song and a simple outro licks that will soon be a great LSS factor for you. And yes, you got it right. It's Sponge Cola's "Gemini".

to be continued...

"Let me know if dreams can come true."

--Sponge Cola (Gemini)

--ag22z

Today Is Never An Another Day

"Is tomorrow will be like yesterday?"

It's been around 2 months since I last posted. How ironic is it that not posting while it is vacation. I never saw vacation either. It was not fun for me at all. I did not get what I want. Instead, it was hell. There were only too many problems to handle with and, even if I admit it or not, I lost. Yeah, it is frustrating indeed. But what can I do? It is how my life drifted and I never had the control over the accelerator nor the steering wheel.

Those times, I never thought of being wrong, neither being right. I just wanted to be happy. But everything turned out against it. I'm just wanted to be happy but there are really persons who distorted my wishes and made me snap out of it. I tried to fight for it. I instantly lost, and, became the bad guy. It really is not fun.

My second year in high school ended. And I'm already in my third year. I really think it is just the same. Ironically, it really has a different environment since majority of the persons in the same box as I am, is a stranger to me. Including our mentors, including our adviser, including myself. I found myself in a different dimension as compared from before. Subjects is not as easy nor is not hard as it seems ( I guess ). Classmates are not hard to be with ( I'm not sure about the others ). Personal life is not being taken to the next level, since I am facing new combinations and patterns of attitudes and lookout through life.

Back during the 2 months of my absence. It almost changed everything in me. Including my life. I feel like I can't stand for myself. I am helpless with myself. I know there are some people trying to help me. But I guess, I really can not help myself even by using their help. They tried every way to help me. I don't know how to respond. What I want them to accept in me is to be happy where I am happy. I can't take it anymore. The more I get happy, the more they get mad at me. I fought for my happiness. I lost. I defended myself. I still lost. I pushed them to accept me. I lost, lost, lost, and lost. I can't help it anymore. Damn.

Right now, I am listening to Sponge Cola's A Tear from their self-titled album, Sponge Cola ( but also available in their Extended Play ). It somehow summarizes what am I feeling. Even if Neon is my life's song, I still like this very much. It talks about the presence of a certain person and suddenly lost, trying to be happy, looking for someone, and the greatest part, being ignored even in the time that the person needs an attention to anyone especially from the most important ones. It sounds pessimist, but as pessimist that it seems. The person is just asking for an attention that no one could give.

For this blog, as you can see, I tried a new way of posting my works. I'm already sucked with the old way. I need to change and be matured enough for the outlook of myself. I can't stick forever to those childish things forever. I must go and find another way for living. A way to fill my stomach and my pocket reasonably. I know I sound funny and immatured, but I just want to express my thoughts. I apologize if someone is getting me on their nerves and I want to thank everyone who helped me, especially Henrianne ( my girlfriend ) who keeps me optimistic and helping me to be what I wanted.

'Till next time. Thanks. For anything you want tosay, just leave a comment. Even though the bill is not passed yet, I accept and respect the right to reply bill already.

"Alam kong dati ka nang masaya, pero ang problema'y ako, diba?"

-- Itchyworms ( Yokonakitangmakita )

--marc22o8eliyha

Walang Kwentang Mga Bagay

"Bakit ba maraming basura sa mundo?"

Magtatagalog ako ngayon
Hindi ko kaya mag-English

Bakit ba naimbento ang mga bagay?
Necessity?
Kahit may nasisira itong ibang bagay?
Kahit maraming hindi sang-ayon dito?
Hindi ba naiintindihan ng gumawa ng bagay n 'yon na marami siyang sinirang buhay?

Alam ba niya kung ano ang epekto nito sa kapaligiran?
Hindi lang sa kalikasan kundi sa mga tao mismo?
Alam ba niya na maraming nasisira ang buhay dahil dito?
Bakit hindi niya magawang makita ang mga nangyayare?
Bulag ba siya?
Wala talagang pakealam?
Galit sa mundo?
Galit sa tao kaya gumaganti sa ibang hindi niya kilala?
Ano?
Ganon na ba siya kasama
Na pati bata sirain niya ang buhay?

Ano ba kalokohan niya?
Bakit ba niya inimbento iyon?
Naiintindihan ba niya ang mga nararamdaman ng mga taong nagmamalasakit?
Malamang sa hindi
Kung oo
Edi matagal na niya tinigil ang kasamaan niya
Kaso sadyang wala siyang kwentang tao
Ginamit parin niya iyon para lang sa sariling interest
Ang pera
Bakit ba?
Madadala mo ba pera mo sa langit o impyerno?
Magbabayad ka ba kay San Pedro para palusutin ka?
Magbibigay ka kay Satanas para iakyat kang langit?
Magpapagawa ka ng casino sa kabilang buhay?
Magtitinda ng ginawa niyang bagay na sumira sa milyon-milyong buhay na inosente?
O sadyang gusto niya lamang na maghari sa lahat?

Gumising ang mga naloloko
Ano ba problema niyo
Lahat tayo biktima
Ako
Ikaw
Sila
Kami
Kayo
Tayo
TAYO
LAHAT TAYO
SIRA ANG BUHAY DAHIL SA ISANG WALANG KWENTANG BAGAY
Papayag ka bang sumaya ng todo ngayon
At durugin ang kaluluwa mo bukas?
MAG-ISIP KA
BAGO KA TAWAGING
TANGA

"Ano ba talaga mas-gusto mo? Ang beer na 'to o ang pag-ibig ko?"

---- Itchyworms ( Beer )

--marc2208eliyha

The Dust

"All of your efforts are either diminished, distorted, or disregarded."

It is been so hard to be with everybody
Especially when all the thing you do
Is a mistake in their eyes
Pouring too much effort is not enough at all
The worst of it
The more effort you put on
And was ignored in moments
Your emotion will collapse in an instant
And it can bring you permanent damages
And these damages are harder to break

I can never seem to understand why there are people always have or like to hurt others
Others back stab
While others hit it head by head
It is a little bit frustrating when one of the worthiest people turn their back against you
Especially when you do not see any reason for it
When somebody hits you
Never turn again unguarded
Fight for your goal
How ever lost your ship is
You'll still be able to see the shore you are searching for
And the worst part of it
When it is your turn to return the favor to them
They will be more enraged to you
Making your life an instant hell

A bad or a good person
Is somebody a bad or a good one?
Can you tell who are the bad and good ones?
Can you tell me if you are a bad or a good one?
Majority will answer good o course
But I'm expecting to see a person answer bad
Why?
Yeah. why?
Just tell me why?
Because you returned your parents' change when they asked you to buy some eggs at the store?
Because you "respect" everyone?
Because you study too well?
Because you answered you teacher immorally?
Because you used your sister's hairspray without permission?
Because you spanked your baby bro?
Because you paid the right amount, or more?
Or is it because you just liked it?
Until now
I can never say why everyone of us
Admitted or not
Judges others so drastically
I can never say that I'm not judging people
I also do it
But the main point is
Who we are to judge others?
Are a the corrupt leader to say that we are good?
Are we a good player of basketball to say such pike-like words that stabs others?

"Time won't flow."

---- The Speaks ( High )

--marc2208eliyha

Stained Glass

"Colours never shows the true meaning."

I've been pretty bored today
Not just today but the whole time around
I never asked to cross boundaries with this life
Even though I though I did
I still did not

We had our exams this past week
And it was a hell-damned hard
It almost never let me to turn the wheel and a full straight ahead
But I insisted to myself to do what I like
So I've done what i wished for
I just treat my afternoon as my free time
And my evening as my last minute to complete my stuffs
From my childhood
I always wonder
Why do we have to go to an Primary Education Stage?
Secondary?
And then College where we can really push ourselves to what we like
And after getting a job
You'll like searching for a snow here in the Philippines when getting a job
I always think about this routine
Why does everybody makes life of everybody so miserable and not make it more simple?
Having a difficult life is a very great continually

Some of the questions really made my mouth shut and let me tell to myself
That I'm still not enough to have great mind
And the most frustrating part
Is when you pushed yourself to the limit 'till you really gave up since there's no more hope
That's the time when you'll see yourself hit the floor better
Disappointment of one matter can really drop you for the next one
Since most of the difficult subjects came first
And those were the ones that destroyed me
The next cuisines is not appreciated anymore due to the destroyed appetite
It was really brain-twisting that even my pens gave up
One was lost and suddenly found the day after the last exam
And the other one almost ran out of ink
I pity such items
Innocently suffering 'cause of the unknown reason to them
Not just the pens
Include also the papers
They were attacked by the pens by shading some part of them

Studying was quite tiring
And makes me lazy
You'll have to read what happen what you had understand
Over and over all the time
It'll make you dizzy after all
And not to absorb anything since you don't feel good while reading
The implications very complicated though
It feels like your running for the goal even if you must lose the game

Socialization
This word doesn't sound too much to me
I have very few friends
Some of the others have left me
While I left others but I also don't why
It is hard to be alone
Too difficult to be a loner one
Even though I have my girl
Friends are still different
I envy my classmates that go to the mall together
While for me
I just can't go to the mall that easy
I still have to let my parents know every details of it
And sometimes I just decline those
'Cause I'm afraid to be frustrated if my parents disagree
It is more depressing to me
Especially when I'm the only one who is not joining them
I wanted to go anywhere at anytime
It feels really great
But what can I do?
I'm just a student
A puppet of the higher ups

"Between the lines we speak that rise at me, will there ever be a chance?"

---- Sponge Cola ( 98603 )

--marc2208eliyha

mine :))

i lloovvee youu!! hehe :)) wala lng aq magawa :)) grabe, almost four months n din tau :) and still going strong :) hope whatever happens, tau p rin :) khit pa gaano kalayo at kalupet ang mga mkakasalubong ntin n challenge :)

mhal n mhal ko po ikw MiNE QO! sooobrang mhal n mhal :))

When Cigarette's Ash Drops To Your Shoulder

"What would you do if everybody's hero betrayed you?"

One day
I realized one thing
That I hate my hero
I feel like I am the only one in this world
Who hates his hero
I've never heard someone's scream that pointed out that way

Running against myself
Unable to achieve bliss anymore
So down
So frustrated
So lonely
So loner
So mad
So guilt
I felt like
I am feeling every negative emotions in this world
I dunno what to do for every breath I take
Because of my problems
I hurt the only one who lifted me up
I was so angry to myself
What if I lose that someone?
Can I still breath by myself in this surrounding?
Will someone care for me?
Should someone love me?
Would someone lift me back to where I was when she lifted me?
I never think that there will be someone
Equal or greater to how she raised me
She taught how to blow things up
To realize what the word LIFE means
And now I broke her again
I was so fixated to move even a muscle due to that
Everybody left me aside from her
But still
I felt like I never treasured her because of what I've done
I HATE MYSELF
This is all my fault
I don't know what is running to her mind at the present
Is she mad at me?
I can't blame her
I shattered the mirror we are trying to fix
I ended up the efforts we've done to nowhere

I can never say what will happen next to my days
Sometime I wish to let it end
But I guess I can't
The only one who supported me needs me now
I can just leave her at that climax of the hours
Though my depression seems to destroy my brain
I know that I must overcome it
Since she is the reason why I live
Why I breath
Why I smile
Why I care so much
Why I love
I am so confused now
I don't know what is the right thing to do
I feel like
There's no thing for me to do
That is RIGHT

"I can't go on without you."

---- Secondhand Serenade ( Vulnerable )

--marc22o8eliyha

The Number Three

"Doesn't mean you're addicted to it, you can not live without it. Unless you need it."

It's been a while since I last posted a story-telling like entry
There's so much things that happened
It has been a very challenging role for me to be stable
Even though I failed to do my role properly
I'm still happy that it was not thoroughly abused
Although we were damaged
We still hold on

Hindrances are not hindrance at all
They are just making lives more difficult
Yet exciting
They were never there due to preventing such things
But they are present since they are included in proving trust to other people
Yeah I forgot about it
Is trusting someone very difficult for you?
Please agree with me
I don't want to be alone for the answer in this question
When you are starting to trusting a friend
A test will suddenly appear in front of you
With that
You can see if you should trust your friend will all your might
If not
Then not
There are also times that even if you are trusting him/her
That time
He/she will let go of you
And let you fall from the chair you are sitting on
Personally
People letting me down removes my trust to them
More often if they let me go more than once
Its so hard to bring the trust to them
That's why I lose friends more last year
I trusted them too much
But they never looked at me when I was gasping their attention
Due to that
I never hesitated to let go of them
I always depend on myself that they will never turn their backs against me
But what can I do?
This is what happened to us
They let me fall
They let me fail
They let me forget about them
They are not my friends

These past few days
I had fun
Last Saturday
It was a fine day
A very fine day
We had a picture in a studio
Had a coffee in Starbucks
I ordered Caramel Frappe
While Ria ordered Chocochip Frappe
Don't know the exact names
It was great
A lifetime experience
Yesterday
We went to the city library
Outside was a busy avenue waiting for us
There are too many things for us to buy
Especially street foods
There are a lots of street food
And the blissful part of it
It is available in very cheap price
You can buy so many foods in just 20PhP
After gliding around
We stop by the ice cream store
Bought some pizza and ice cream
It was great
I believe that this will stay in line forever

Thanks for spending time reading this
Hope you had a nice minutes with my story

"I am boundless. Tell me in time, let spread these wings. I am free."

---- Sponge Cola ( Boundless )

--marc22o8eliyha

The Hatred

"What's the use of turning back if there will be no way for you to go where you came from?"

Ever felt like alone?
Enraged with yourself to blame on?
The one you whom depend on left you alone in the air?
Running back to nowhere?
Well my friend
Sit along
We have a story to share

I don't know what's the reason
I really really hate them
I always thought it was due to inequality
But as I turn the pages
There seems to be a new meaning
Living with them is not a great idea for me
There's no ending in contrasting ideologies
The one believes that they are perfect
While the other reclaims to be a sinner
The one is a perfect since they never commit mistakes in their life
And the other one accepts his defeat and downfalls
Such an inadequate comparison

As we walk in this life
We will see different colours that will blind us
We can feel like we are walking in the rainbow
The one you that you thought as beautiful
Will be the one to bring you on your knees
Asking if there will be light is not bad at all
It is just a matter of knowing what awaits you

I don't know why
But I'm really mad at them
I was gasping for freedom in their kingdom
I felt like there's no trust from them for me to hold
The worst part is
They are pushing every positive thing inside my mind
Even if I can not feel it already
It's very hard to believe that they can never give you
What you really wanted
They always say that you have their trust
But when you see the other one
You can really tell that there's no room for you
You don't have even a bit of their trust

Still
I'm still happy
Aside the fact that I'm suffering
Thanks to my girlfriend, Ria
She never stand and wait for me
She never looked and let go
Especially the time I need her most
When the world tries to throw me
She is the only that refrained
And making it not to happen
I'm so happy she's MINE
And with that
They can never push me to stop loving her
Who in the hell are they at the first place?
They are not my wheels for my life
I have my own decision
They have no right no tell me what shall I do
Even if I'm a male
I'M STILL A HUMAN

"We share the sorrow."

--- Sponge Cola ( All We Need )

--marc22o8eliyha

Staring At Nowhere

"I'm running in a beam of light where shadows don't exist. Every step I take seems to kill the inside of me. As I stare to the sky, I realize that the cries of the unknown species where I belong was slowly bleeding, and can't be healed anymore. I'm gasping for something I don't own but treating as my own property. And when the time comes that I reach the end, there will be nothing for me but to become a shadow where nobody can see me."

I was not in good condition these past few days
I was depressed
I know it may not sound good since I'm a male
But I don't care
I'm just a human breathing for someone
It was bit hard for me since the truth
There was a time where I felt that I'm alone in my own world
I really don't like to put it in here
I just put it just to express myself
I can't also hold myself
There's only one person whom I shared everything that runs in my mind on that particular time
I just don't want her to be affected since she was also damaged
Sorry...
I just don't want you to feel what gasping is

I was stocked between myself and my emotions
I don't know what to do
I never want it to run that way
But I have no power to stop the clock's movement
The only thing I can do is to let time pass by
It feels like I'm running without any direction
I also think that that will mark an end
But fortunately
It is not
But there's another day for me to treat like the day where I will day
It will be 3 days from now
I really have no clue for that particular date
Aside of the way I think that I will sink
How I wish that day will be an illusion or just the dream I had last night
It was not too highlight
But there's a scene that almost killed me
I'm trusting that person so I don't think that it'll happen
Well, sorry for my entry today is full of unspecific thoughts and logic
I just still want some privacy even though I almost said everything
This morning
During our English class
We had an exam
But since I finished it
I sleep for a while
When I wake up
I felt a little bit lighter
I realized that when the time I was asleep
I was out of this world
I forgot everything in my life
Even my own name
And the best part is
It is like my own world where I'm alone before
So dark that even lights can't shine

Am I lost again?
I also felt bad in this box
Everyone in here is just the same
They can't trust the black sheep
All they can do is to trust the precious one
And blame everything that happens on the black one
Well, I can't blame them too much
I know I had my mistakes
I'm not perfect
But the hardest thing is that
They'll push you to your limits
Just to say that you are nothing in this box
I want to have a life
Not too free
But free to even one aspect
The aspect I share with her
Being with her is always a blissful second
But with them binding my shadow
It was such an unpleasant minute
Even you are enjoying every moment you share
You still can't move freely if you are inside a cage that you are with anywhere you go
I never wanted this to become this
Hope you understand
When something happens to me badly
I just want you to know
I'm happy being with you
But it was such a tightrope where I was caught

"Close your eyes and everything comes to life."

---- Sponge Cola ( Lights )

--marc22o8eliyha

Silent Screams

Currently at an I-cafe
Not exactly bored
Feeling fine
I little bit better

This week's fine
Just a bit pressuring
Feeling very tense
Grades made me sunk in the ground
It almost killed me
Knowing that this is the last quarter for me to do such things
It was never an easier way for me
My teacher said that my Filipino was a positive one
But my Chemistry has a negative 3 disadvantage against me
Also, my Advance Algebra
I felt that it will sink
Our project in Filipino is somehow difficult
We will have a role-play for Florante at Laura
It is a love story

The days were torn apart
There was no day for me to sleep tightly
There was too much emotions
I hate this time of life
Feels like everything that's mine
Is getting lost 'cause they're pulling them
Including the only person I own
He tried to get
One word
M*****F*****
Get lost
She's mine
Not yours
One more major problem for me
I really felt that my grades are gasping
And the higher-ups demand for more
Are they going to stop us?
Will she let go 'cause of that?
Am I going to be left in the center
Is there a chance for me to revive it?
Is this my last breathe?
Is there nothing left for me to hold?
Am I going to be the loner-type once again just because of them?

These days were really bad
There are times were I lost myself
There are times i hate myself
There are time even people around are getting involved in my agony
I don't want that to happen
They are innocent
My misery is non of their business
This is my world
There's not a part of it for them
Aside the fact that almost my whole life is given to someone already
The one that cared about me
The one that love me
The one that made me happy
The one that made me feel special
The one that's MINE
Wish we're stronger and unbreakable
Wishing that she won't go

Thanks for reading

"You can thank all the stars all you want but, I'll always be the lucky one."

---- Rico Blanco ( Your Universe )

--marc22o8eliyha

Why does every second cotinues to fall?

There's nothing special these past few days
I honestly don't have anything to write in this entry
I was just bored
And Ria asked me to do some
And this is my another junk product

Yesterday
I woke up around 10am
I didn't have complete sleep since I'm doing something
Not the one you are thinking right now
I had a conversation the whole night
But it was not up to the fullest
I was fixing our computer
To make it a Wi-Fi ready one
It was way too hard
I failed
I don't know what to do next
It was a hell
I just don't know why did they like to have it as a wireless one
Since it'll do just the same
Having a static connection was too easy
Just like a puzzle
Connecting wires to different port
And it is already done
While in wireless one
You still have to remember different codes and passwords
They just don't get how hard it is to fix such connection
Since it is not them who will fix it
But the slave named me
They never cared at all

We went to a dentist
And went to a nearby grocery
At the grocery
I saw store selling pins
And I bought 3 pieces
2 pieces of pin with a design of number 22
While the other one is 17
As I go home
To our house I mean
I fixed my guitar case and put my newly bought pins
My guitar case looks good after
I have 9 pins in the case
In was a good design
I'm still planning to cover the whole guitar case with pins
I'm sure that it'll look good

Right now I don't know what to do
I just simply don't know what's next for me
Right now I'm listening to my created Sponge Cola playlist
It is all the Sponge Cola songs
Including songs from their EP
From Palabas: The Romeo and Juliet Experience
From Transit Deluxe
From Sponge Cola
And even some unreleased singles
It is great
Right now is an unreleased song entitle
"She Don't"
It is a nice song
Simple

I'm still trying to think something for this to become longer
I just don't know why am I so addicted to Sponge Cola
I'm not getting tired of listening to their songs
Unlike hits from other artist
After listening for the same song in 2 hour straight
I like to change it already
But in Sponge Cola
I'm listening to it since I was grade 5
Which is around 4 years ago
And I never find it it awful
It is still in harmony
Way too good
I even asked my friends and relatives to listen to them
And they also found them good
Even my girlfriend
She's a listener of foreign songs
But she chose a Sponge Cola song for us
She enjoyed it too much
My cousins
They like religious songs
After hearing Sponge Cola songs
They also found it good

Well I think I don't have anything left for this one
Thanks for reading

"I let myself to drown."

---- Sponge Cola ( She Don't )

--marc22o8eliyha

22

"Halika ka.
Iyong lunurin ang problema't kalimutan.
May tanong pa ba?
'Di na kailangang magisip pagkat bughaw ang ating langit."
These are the 1st 4 lines of the 1st verse of the song 22
Made by Sponge Cola
It was asking for the listener's trust
And leave behind those bad memories
That is to be replaced by new and exciting ones

22
A very special number in my life
It is not a date that is connected to my love life
It is not a date of something memorable
It is not a date that lived in infamy
But it is a date for myself to serve myself
Aside from I'm just using myself for my own good
And let him be the one to suffer all my deeds
Such an imbalance for both of us
22 has been my number since around grade 6
The first number that caught my attention was 25
I didn't know why did I like that
But I played with it
'Till I realized that 22 is much better

"Malapit na akong matunaw.
Puso ko't damdamin ay sumisigaw."
There are other numbers that I like
Including my special 8
Funny reasoned 4
Semi-special numbers 17,14 and 29
And another special 13
4 is the only favorite number for personal reason
While the others is because my an aspect of my life
Having many numbers is sometimes difficult
You'll never know what you will prioritize
And sometimes
Feeling jealous or some kind when you saw it to others
But if you have many of those
It simply means you treasure something due to it
And it means to me that you are treasuring even a part of your short life

"Ito na ang sandali.
Asahan mong makikinig ng walang maliw.
'Di na kailangan pang itago ang nadarama't magduda.
Matagal ka nang naiinip diba?"
Yeah you are right
Today is my day
My day in the 2009th year
And I am very happy today
Aside from receiving presents including today
I received 3 pins from my 3 former classmates
I got to play Need For Speed: Undercover and Naruto Shippuden: Narutimate Accel 2
In NFS
I've used Mitsubishi Lancer Evolution IX
I won't against my friend
I'm not sure if it is Bryan or Daryl
It was fun
We played a Sprint mode
While in Naruto
I've used my personal favorite
'Akasuna No Sasori'
Or simply 'Sasori of the Red Sands'
He's a hell of a character
Not as popular as Naruto
Not as handsome as Sasuke
Not as fast as Rock Lee
Not as powerful but Gaara
Not as senseful like Neji
Not as wise as Shikamaru
But simply everything like himself
He has his own identity
I lost the match
But before they go home
We played Tekken 5
It was 0-13 in favor of me
I was using Lee Chaolan and Hwoarang
They are using Devil Jin, Bruce, Steve, Hwoarang and Yoshimitsu
They can never get up against my combo for the both players

"Dahil ako'y nasasabik sa muli mong pagdampi sa aking labi.
Pagkat ngayo'y hinahanap-hanap parin,
Ang iyong tamis,
Sa tuwi't-tuwina."
It was my most memorable birthday
Since it was my 1st birthday to be with my girlfriend
It was fun
We had a time of our lives
And we simply wanna stop the movements of the clock's time
I guess I've told everything about today
Thanks for reading
Hope to see you again

"Life is just not fair at all."

---- Sponge Cola ( Cigarette )

--marc22o8eliyha

Up And Down

Living was such a never easier way
But death was a hell
Well just don't mind those
It just came to my mind as I started this one
Nothing special
And it was unintentional

I was bored during the 2nd day before this
Or was I never be able to fulfill my time?
It was always boring
Not busy
But maybe
Busy because bored
Seems like it was nonsense
So as I
Did you find me nonsense?
If yes
Good
If not
Maybe you have a problem
But I would like to hear your suggestions
Just put some comments
Thanks

I'm doing nothing that's why I'm making this
Tomorrow was our last day of exam
Last day of inhumane torture while we are breathing
Such a suicide for everyone of us
But I don't mind it all
Even though I need to have a good grades for a reason
But I never liked studying
I remember around 9 years ago
While I was in kindergarten stage 1
I asked my parents to cancel my Chinese lesson
They said that it was required for our level
And now
I'm turning 3rd year high school in just a few months from now
Yet
I just remembered that I said that to my parents
When I'm sharing my story to someone
And then I said
"Ano ba 'tong kalokohan ko? Bakit 'di ko pa tinigil noon? Tuloy nahirapan ako at pinagtatawanan pa ako ngayon."
What a nonsense field my mind is running at
I also know that my grammar is wrong
Please accept it
I'm just a student
Not a dictionary nor a grammar book
But even those things get some mistakes also
Well, there's just no perfect thing in this whole world

Honestly
I don't know what to write in this entry
I just right what is passing by my mind
Guess you are thinking what are the connections of my stories
The only connection is they happened in my life even just once
And with that fact
I can't throw them away
It is me
That is me
This is my world
I just can't turn around and forget everything I've done
If that time comes
Then I prooved to myself that I'm just using myself for my own good
Pity him
Just being used by someone

I was about to study right now
But I was bored
So I wrote this
I was playing my guitar before this
Playing hits by Sandwich
I watched their gig on a television show
And I realize that I like to hear them again
So this is what I'm doing
Playing them 5 albums
Including singles form other albums
In Case Of Fire from 5 On The Floor is in the hot seat right now
I don't like foreign songs at all
Just very few of them
I don't know the reason
But one thing is certain
I like OPM music
'Cause I like it
Not because I'm a Filipino
I like the meanings
The hymms
The tempo
The combination and timing of instruments
Their just simply great

Anymore for me to say?
Don't worry
Still thinking here
Just wanted to share this thing
Tomorrow is my day
So there's a very big possiblity that I won't be posting anything in here
There will be some friends going to be present at my crib
Including The Uy brothers
My former classmate named Franklin
My cousing Eirene
And my girl Ria
I guess it will be my greatest one
'Cause I'm sharing that day with someone very special
No
Not special actually
She's just my life
Just take a look on Take Note of Me
If you like to that I'm a stupid hopeless romantic guy
Go ahead
I won't try to stop you
It's your decision
Your idea
I've got nothing to say to you
Just take care of karma
Just kidding
Too boastful am I
Right

Well I'm getting nonsense already
Gotta go
Check back for more updates

"Don't believe, everything, everything you see. Don't believe, everything, everything you feel."

---- Sandwich ( In Case Of Fire )

--marc22o8eliyha

Assassination Of Ignorance

It was a fairly hard day today
Doing unusual things that I never do during ordinary days
There was a little bit nice experience to be share of
If you are bored
Or just curious of my day
You are very much welcome and appreciated
Or if not
Thanks for reading this introduction

Today's somehow alike to other mornings
Trying to get up of from bed
And returning after a few seconds
Nothing special
There's only one slightly unusual thing I've done this mornin'
I taken a picture of mine
Even though i covered my face with the camera I've used
My left eye was still in sight
It was somehow a nice shot
It was a command
That's a reason why I've done it
Someone asked me to do it
I think you already know who SHE is

I arrived at school
Not exactly on time
But before the cut-off time for tardy students
Just as usual
We talked for a while just before the flag ceremony started
Then SHE came
And talked to her even for a while
As we go to our room for the examination
We studied Biology
Thinking it was a difficult one for us
Except for Ria
She's a Biology Queen
I mean
A Biology Quiz Bee Contestant
She was 3rd place in the whole division i think
In fact
She was exempted for Biology's 2nd quarter exam
Lucky her
How I envy her
Anyway
We just studied and studied
'Till the exam cam
It was English
Even though I didn't study enough for that
It was a little bit good
Since it was more of analysis
Just kept thinking
That it was not an exam
So I should not be pressured nor be confused due to the situation
Just enjoy shading the squares like a kindergarten student
Just shade, shade, shade and shade the whole thing
So as the Biology
Even though there is a twist of Mathematics due to the FOIL method
It was still fine
Computer
The 3rd subject for today
Was a hell
Or less I think
We asked to code too many things
'Causing my hand to fell pain due to pressured writing
It also made my head ache

As I go home
I just took of my shoes
And attacked the bed
Obviously, I lose
I took a nap before I eat lunch
I woke up at around 3pm
Still in my school's uniform
And started to eat lunch even though it was already time for an afternoon snack
I ate rich meal having Laing as my main dish
It was good
It never tasted like grass as I expected
I enjoyed it
After eating
I studied Plane Geometry and called Ria
It was not too long 'till I studied Values
Ria and I talked for about 2 hours
She left 'cause she's going to eat noodles
I just don't know what noodles it is
After an hour
We talked again
Enjoying each other's company even we are not able to see each other
'Till now
I just stopped talking to her since I was trying to study
Even I'm making this blog
How confusing am I

Earlier this morning
While inside the room of the 3rd year class
Since we are having our exam there
Gerald received a free C2 from me
Why?
He found my long lost missing Advance Algebra notebook
It was a great treasure for me
Since it was a good reference for me aside from the fact that I don't usually write notes
It was still good to have it back

Thanks for reading
I dunno when will be the next post
Farewell

"Half the time. These simple lines, may not mean a word to you. Keep in mind. That these simple lines, mean all the world to me."

---- Sponge Cola ( Keep The Fire Burning )

--marc22o8eliyha